Couples and Money: How To Talk About Debt

Why Are Money Conversations Important for Couples?

It’s a vital topic, but many couples avoid talking about money. However, proactive conversations about debt and finances can help you avoid frustrations with your partner. In fact, experts agree that talking openly about money is a sign of a healthy relationship.

Money is considered the number one topic spouses argue about. Joining finances and financial habits can easily cause strife without a clear plan and open discussion about how to move forward together.

Couples can also bring debts into a marriage or build outstanding balances together, creating financial burdens from the beginning. According to Ramsey Solutions, 86% of couples start their marriage in debt.

Data like this shows how essential money conversations are for committed relationships. While you probably shouldn’t discuss credit card debt on a first date, it’s important to discover how you and your partner approach money and determine how you can thrive together financially.

How To Talk To Your Partner About Money and Debt

The best way to talk to your partner about money management is to address the topic openly. Be ready to listen as much or more than you speak, and be prepared to examine your financial data.

Experts suggest setting up money dates for ongoing financial conversations. They encourage partners to sit down about once a month in an informal setting to discuss their budget, plan for future spending, and talk about specific money issues. Sitting on the couch with a glass of wine or your favorite coffee drink can help ease tension and create a positive environment that fosters relaxed, honest conversation.

One key topic to address when you’re in a committed relationship is the idea of financial fidelity. Dr. John Deloney, a mental health expert and financial talk-show host, describes financial fidelity as a “commitment to a person or belief about money.” He gives examples such as not hiding purchases, telling the truth about debt and spending habits, and sharing accounts with a spouse to explain this concept.

Once you understand your money values as a couple, it’s easier to talk about debt. Making a plan to pay off debt together can strengthen your relationship and your finances. Additionally, budgeting gives you a realistic idea of how much you can put aside for debt repayment each month.

It’s also a good idea to determine your debt-to-income ratio as a couple. This involves calculating everything you take in versus everything you owe. The smaller the ratio, the better, giving couples a shared goal to spend less and maximize income for debt repayment.

10 Money Questions To Ask Your Partner

If you need a little help getting a financial discussion started, why not make some conversation cards? Here are some important questions you can ask your partner to spark discussions about money:

1. How did your family handle money conversations?
2. How do you view money as an adult?
3. What do you believe about debt?
4. Are you a saver or a spender?
5. What do you consider a large amount of money to spend?
6. When should a purchase become a joint decision, and what is ok to buy without discussing it with your partner?
7. What expenses are the most important for you?
8. Are there any things you don’t like to spend money on?
9. How do you feel about supporting kids with a college fund or helping parents as they age?
10. How can we plan to have regular conversations about our finances?

Tips for Getting on the Same Page About Money and Debt

While most people are influenced by their parents' money values growing up, joining finances as an adult requires wisdom, compromise, and shared goals. Here are some ideas to consider as you and your partner practice financial values in your own household:

• Prepare for it.
  After your initial discussions, where you get to know each other’s money values, come ready with financial data for your money dates. Many couples use an app to track expenses and savings, giving both partners a way to review finances and keep each other accountable. Other couples use spreadsheets to organize budgets and calculate payments. Have your devices at hand to review digital info as you talk.
• Take in good advice.
  Listen to financial podcasts, read books about money, and watch videos on finances together. Plenty of experts offer smart ideas about working together to save, spend wisely, and pay off debt. Talk about it afterwards to plan new financial goals based on the best ideas. It may even be easier to start a conversation by saying, “I read this in a financial blog the other day. What do you think?”
• Don’t ignore it.
  Money and debt often become problems when they’re downplayed or purposely ignored. Instead, speaking directly about the topic as a couple can make a big difference in the long term. If one spouse is bringing debt into a marriage, it’s a good idea to address how you plan to pay it off before you combine your finances.
• Avoid shame and guilt.
  For some couples, talking about money is hard because it brings up feelings of guilt and shame. These feelings can come from one partner feeling self-conscious about not having enough or causing debt by mismanaging funds. Guilt can also arise when one partner earns a significantly larger income than the other. The key is to approach money as a team, making joint decisions about how to save, spend, and pay off debts.

Prioritize Money and Debt Conversations as a Couple

Talking about debt as a couple gets easier the more you practice. If you’re struggling to get started, try talking to your partner about a simple topic like your favorite splurge item or how you want to start saving for a dream vacation.

Once you know you share the same  financial values, tackle the subject of debt, and develop a plan to pay off balances together.

Let’s Talk About TurboDebt®

Avoiding conversations about debt doesn’t make it go away. In fact, it only adds to the problem. If you’re struggling with debt as a couple, consider getting help from the experts at TurboDebt®.

Our team can help you create a customized debt relief plan with an affordable monthly payment. Couples who enroll with us can save up to 45% on their total debt (before fees) and map out a clear strategy to reduce debt. With over 20,000 positive reviews, we’ve proven ourselves as a trusted partner for debt relief.

It only takes a few minutes to find out if you qualify for TurboDebt’s debt relief program. Contact us today for a free consultation!